Phuket
Okay, technically my trip didn’t start here. I flew into George Town in Malaysia with Mum. George Town is nice and definitely worth a visit. On my last night in George Town, disaster struck. My phone got the white screen of death. A common theme for the rest of my trip. With my visa printed out and the name of my hostel written on a notepad, I nakedly embarked on my flight into Thailand.
Stepping out of the airport, I swallowed a gulp of that familiar, muggy, topical humidity. Swarmed by taxi drivers like flys to shit, I was informed that my hostel was in fact on the other side of the island. Worse still, it was gonna cost $50 dollery-doos to get there. I had no phone. I couldn’t fact check them. I agreed to the fee and was walking to the cab when I spotted a “Local Bus →” sign. “What about the bus?” I naively asked the driver. “There is no bus.” He informed me. I was chased all the way to the terminal by “helpful” taxi drivers. They might have lied about the bus. But it was true - my hostel was on the other side of the island.
I paid my dollar and hopped on. Having no phone, my only reading material was the text messages of a sweaty, fat, English man sat next to me. He was soliciting sex workers. Gazing out the window I could ascertain why people really come to Phuket:
- Drinking at a beach resort
- Sex workers
- Drugs
“End of the line.” the driver announced. He kicked me out onto a dark, long, street at the tail end of the island. I had no idea where I was staying. Even if I did, I had no way of calling a Grab. An angel on a scooter pulled up beside me. “Where you go?” I showed him my notepad with the hostel and the address scribbled on it. “Okay, I take you.” Mum told me a story of a kid back home getting brain damage from a scooter accident in Bali. Before I left I promised not to get on any bikes. Yet here I was, two hours in, on the back of a 125cc toy with all my bags and no helmet. I quickly checked in and immediately passed out in my bunk.
I fell asleep in Hell, and woke up in Heaven. Selina is a little slice of paradise, nestled away from the chaos of Phuket. I spent my days going to the gym, lounging by the pool, and taking advantage of their 2-for-1 happy hour. I would occasionally dare venture out for food, or to get my phone fixed. But quickly retreated back to the former resort. It’s here that we meet the first hero of our story; AJ.
Cheers, lad!
I noticed him bouncing from table to table, telling anyone willing to listen that he’s from “Liverpoooool”. And anything you could want to hear about “the horse”. AJ works in Olympic level showjumping. He’ll talk the ear off a tree. But that tree will get to hear some hilarious stories. “Have you ever stayed at a hostel that gives you more than one pillow!?” I hadn’t the nerve to tell him I’d never stayed at a hostel. It was AJ that informed me of the lore of Selina: Selina was a resort that went under a couple of months back. The new owners put bunks into the old rooms and now it’s the poshest hostel in Thailand.
I spent the next week watching characters come and go:
- There was a former sparkie living off his weekly insurance payout.
- There was an Irish man kick starting his AI Girlfriend / Protein Water business.
- There was a band of hippies who would get stoned and form a drum circle on Fridays.
The Friday night drum circle
A week flashed by. I grew restless. I booked a day trip to Koh Phi Phi and realised I had become Odysseus on the island of Ogygia. I had to escape. There was too much to see outside the Garden of Selina. I deferred back to my map of the Banana Pancake Trail and saw my next stop - Koh Tao. I said my goodbyes to AJ and set sail.
Phuket: 1/10
Selina: 10/10